Let's talk body confidence and boob jobs

So a change is about to happen, something you’ll probably notice. As I’m someone online it’s not something I can really hide so I wanted to be honest and upfront about it, in hopes it could help at least one person out there. I’m very soon about to have a breast augmentation at Transform with Mr Meleagros, to some this may be quite a surprise as online I’ve not necessarily expressed my body conscious issues about this part of me. Above is the only picture of me EVER in a low cut dress braless, I only posted this on Instagram as the side lighting is rather flattering.

So why am I getting this done you might be wondering? Well I’ve always been insecure about this part of me since I was a teenager. When changes started happening with all my friends, I wasn’t quite changing in the same way. In my group of girl friends we had all started our periods apart from one. I remember her saying to the group, “Well why haven’t I started, Leanne’s not even got her boobs yet.” So everyone was aware I was a bit different. I felt conscious enough going through high school as I was so tiny, in both height and frame. If you think I’m slim now, you should of seen me then. On occasions I’d been out with friends and had random strangers shout anorexic at me. That was how it was, I was naturally very slim and I was always made very aware of this by most around me leading to me having body conscious issues about most of myself. Fast forward to getting older and dating, I hated guys seeing that part of me, they didn’t ever care about the size to be honest, it was how I felt which made me feel uncomfortable. When something starts effecting your personal life, effecting your choices on what clothes to wear, struggling on finding bras that fit, you just end up not really liking it. I just want to be more in proportion with the rest of my shape as I do have curves around the hips. As I've got older I've felt far more confident with the rest of my body as my shape changed and I realised how to dress for my proportions to make me feel good.

I’ve always avoided low cut tops as I’ve never seen the point in trying to show that area, there’s nothing there and if people looked I would get self conscious thinking they were judging me, or thinking where are her boobs?! I have lots of lovely low back dresses but cannot really wear them out as the thought of going braless in public panics me. You might think, well small boobs you don’t need to wear a bra with it. If I do that though I feel as flat as an ironing board. I wear bras really to make it look like there’s something there. I’ve tried those stick on bras, but erm there’s not really anything for it to stick on to so they just move around and it looks ridiculous. If I'm wearing a bra it's most certainly padded, all fine until people want to do to the beach, then I feel highly uncomfortable, usually going for a bandeau style top rather than triangle.

I get asked what bra size I am, I think a 30B, I did measure myself last week and it’s what I’ve been wearing for the past couple of years. I’ve never been “professionally measured” as I’m basically afraid of being told I’m not a bra size. Slightly ridiculous but hey that’s the truth. Saying a B makes it sound like there’s more there than there is. To put it into context a 32A is too big for me, the band is too loose and I do not fill out the cup. There’s nothing wrong with small boobs, I think they look amazing on other people! But the main thing is that the person is happy with what they have, whilst I on the other hand have never been. 

I’ve always wished they were larger, not necessarily via a boob job as I had so many preconceptions about how they’d look if I’d of gone down that route. I kept thinking, well maybe they will grow, I could still develop. Well I’m soon turning 26 so that’s all the growing I’m going to do! Previously when I thought of someone having a boob job it conjured up images of people who’d gone too big, where they didn’t look proportionate with the rest of their body, where they clearly looked done and fake. In the media they always focused on surgery which is of that sort. If I thought nose job I would think Michael Jackson, where the bridge is too narrow and overall again the finished look appeared to be fake. But in reality this isn’t always the case. So many people get plastic surgery and for lots you wouldn’t necessarily even noticed when meeting them.

I started changing my mind about having them done upon following two youtuber’s journeys as they went through theirs. First was Grace who lives in America, her’s were under the muscle. A month or so late then Sarah had hers, over the muscle. I found it so helpful watching their videos and learnt a lot about a procedure I’d always misjudged, it was also interesting seeing the differences in their recoveries too. I started thinking about getting it done, but worried implants just wouldn’t fit. Even last night when I spoke to my Dad about having this done, he said I probably didn’t have room. But watching Sarah’s journey, where she started off around the same size as me, though a little bigger, but she had enough space and she had seriously amazing results even just after producer. I’ve actually seen hers in real life 6 weeks post op and I was amazed at how natural they looked. 

In ways it’s been easier to talk my parents round into understanding why I want it done as I can literally show Sarah’s before and afters. Again they first imagined I would go too big and they’d look fake, but showing Sarah’s results really changed their minds. They knew I was going to the same place and getting the same surgeon so I think it really helped reassure them. They knew how insecure I was about them, they knew it wasn’t a whim and they support my decision.

So the point I’m at. I’ve had one consultation, I’ve been made aware of any complications, I’ve filled in medical forms about my history. I’ve met Mr Meleagros where he took measurements to assess me. Great news there’s enough tissue so I can go above the muscle which seriously surprised me! I tried on sizers and spoke about different profiles. I’ve been recommended TSX which are ultra high profile, but I’m worried they are too narrow for the amount of CC I’m thinking of getting. Perhaps between 300cc and 340? This is still to be decided. So as the profiles of the implants get higher, their projection is more, but their diameter is smaller. I always thought I had quite a gap in between them but Mr Meleagros says it only seems that way as they aren't that filled out but are normal. On the 14th July I’m going back, bringing along Jacqueline one of my close friends to help me pick a size. Trying on sizers was surreal for me, looking down and seeing something there. Feeling and realising what boobs felt like! The implants were softer than I expected. Trying them on made me realise how high my boobs sit, making me realise I couldn’t go too big, well not that I’d want to. I’m hoping to be a C, but not a 30C as that’s not much of an increase, think in terms for a 32C.

When trying on sizers they give you a unpadded bra to wear, you put the sizers into the cups and then wear the provided fitted vest. I found it hard to image how they’d look with this top though, so a top tip, bring some of your own clothes to see how they’d look in things you’re more familiar with wearing. Also bring pictures of how you'd like them to look to help the surgeon visualise your desired look. On the 14th I’m also having my pre op with the nurse as surgery has been booked for the 26th! I really am so excited and reassured with Sarah’s results. I’ve told my close friends and they are excited for me too. Now I’m letting you all know and I hope you’re also excited for me.

Other posts you'll see from me is a vlog on my second channel starting from the second consultation and following the whole journey. From my experience of looking up other people's journeys on youtube, sometimes it’s hard to find the video which answers your questions or worries when having it divided into separate videos, so I thought having it all in one video would be better. I’ll have time markers in the description box to help guide people to certain sections and all info listed in the description too. There will be one more blog post to show before and afters.

Now I know surgery isn’t for everyone, and that’s completely fine. People have their own opinions, but I still hope those who don’t agree still understand and respect my decision. I’ve also done this in video form if you’d like more of a voice explaining this all to you which I will embedded below.
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11 comments:

  1. I have literally felt this way for so long, too scared to wear low cut tops incase I get made fun of etc. It really affects your confidence and I can totally relate with wearing bras to make it look likr there's something there. Such a fab post and video, makes you feel like it's normal and there is other people experiencing this.

    Olivia // My Clueless Mind

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  2. the thing is, I have the exact opposite! I hate my boobs because I find them too big. I may not be old enough to have the surgery but if they don't get smaller through exercise then when I'm older I think I will consider breast reduction.

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    1. me too!! I want smaller boobs though but i won't try to have any surgery because I'm afraid of the side effects, so i hope that it will become smaller through exercising. I can't fit in a playsuit that I really really love just because of my boobs T_T but i bought it anyway.

      www.stylemechummy.blogspot.com

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  3. I have a quite similar problem, though it's the other way round. I always felt my boobs were too big and I really feel conscious about them, but I'm too scared to have a surgery (and not enough money at the moment). It's great that you get yours done, as you honestly are conscious about them being too small. Like you I don't like the surgeries that look fake in the end, but there's nothing wrong with having it done in a natural way and to boost your own confidence!
    I am looking forward to see your results and hear your thoughts about the process! :)
    Patti www.pattiblue.blogspot.com

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  4. Good luck with everything! I know it's hard to sit and write sincerely about body confidence issues.

    BTW, I just wanted to note that I'm on your same age gap and breast size can also change a lot due to hormonal stuff too... Mines increased two sizes after quitting hormonal contraception (I didn't like it though)

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  5. I can totally relate to this Leanne, at the end of the day it's your body and life is too short to be worrying about what other people think! Good luck, I hope everything goes well for you <3

    The Girl In The Tartan Scarf

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  6. Hello!
    Since I started watching your videos and your channel/reading your blog, I've always felt I can relate to you in a way. I too have a small chest, a longer back but still have shape and curves to my hips and shoulders, so I felt we have similar body shape. Everytime you mentioned ''highwaisted'' jeans not even going over your belly button, I was like ''I know right!'' (Dr.Denim Solitare-jeggings are great by the way). You kind of helped me to come to terms with my body shape and showed me how to dress and feel more confident in my own body. I support you having this surgery and you are brave for getting it done! :) I've thought about surgery too sometimes, but have had similar thought like you about how they are going to look fake and uncomfortable, even though nowadays breast implants can be very natural looking. I'm looking forward to seeing your journey.

    I never wear anything low cut either, especially since on top of having small boobs (32-34A), I have bones sticking up on my chest as well, in certain lighting they are quite prominent. But my body has always been like this. I don't gain weight easily, and what fat I get, it's all in my lower body, mainly the legs. I think having some muscle would even out my chest, I should just work out. :'D It's easy to say now, but I think even if I had bigger boobs, I wouldn't wear anything too revealing, but it would be nice to look like you've got boobs even with out a padded bra on. :D

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  7. Hi Leanne,

    You seem to write this post with trepidation and a little caution and then I realised why, because your job is being fashion blogger, many people assume you are 100% confident and comfortable in your own body. No one is those things and people shouldn't assume you are just because you have chosen this as your job.

    Brest surgery connotations and judgements are at last seeming to brake down purely because of brave and personal posts like this. I work within the lingerie industry and have seen many different types of people be nervous and self-conscious about there size or imperfections from size 6 -20. You seem to have researched it throughly but also look at the long term effects, whether they will need to be replaced in 10 years? Im sure you know more about that then me but its something to consider.

    Many women who breasts are too large have reduction surgery because it is harming their back, so why should you be judged when you have surgery because it is harming something we can not see. Good Luck!

    Alice X


    https://aliceabyssblog.wordpress.com/

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  8. So proud of you for speaking out about something so personal, such a role model <3

    Soph// The Fashion Rubiks
    www.thefashionrubiks.blogspot.co.uk
    xx

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  9. this is great of you sharing your thoughts out here, i wish you best of luck with the surgery! i also have small breasts but i doesn't really bother me, it's just a matter of taste i guess...

    www.alexandracsws.com

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  10. I had my boob job just under a year ago and it was so worth it! I used The Hospital Group though for mine who were absolutely fantastic!

    Lauren x

    www.laurenapowers.blogspot.com

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